Blech

So I am finally really truly getting a chance to look at the Sarah that existed from roughly May first to the end of June. Blech. I HATE that girl. I denied it for so long that I was depressed, blah blah blah, but, um hello! Regardless of how many times Teetz tried to tell me, I was having none of that and pretty much blew him off in that arena. It just pisses me off that I spent so much time being upset over a guy who never deserved me in the first place. Okay, I take that back, at one time he did deserve me, but that guy is long gone and all that's left in his place is a liar who bails on people that care about him and does not have the decency to tell people the truth when they deserve it.

Seriously, fuck it all.

That girl, ugh, she cancelled a ton of great subbing jobs and didn't even unpack her effing apartment for two months because she didn't ever want to do anything but lay around and cry. HELLO! WTF! It boggles my mind that I let her do that for so long, that's not me at all, it never has been. The girl that existed before Drake and before Adam operated much differently than the one who existed while either of them were around and man, she is PISSED. At the risk of sounding like a whore, the girl before all this stupidity operated very much like a guy when it came to relationships - she didn't need them though they were nice to have, and it was totally acceptable to make out with friends. Feelings and emotions are lame. Don't bother with them, they don't get you anywhere.

I'm not sure where this is really coming from but today I was doing some errands and driving around and it just hit me. Yeah, I miss him sometimes, but seriously, there's no point anymore. He showed his true colors and wow, hard to believe it's even the same person. So, I am doing what I should have done a long time - completely and totally and utterly without a doubt moving on. I think I pretty much moved on the first time I made out with someone who was not him (and don't get your panties in a twist, there was only one, geez guys have some faith in me please) but still, I missed him. No longer. Go off and live your life, but don't ever for even one moment think you did me a favor by lying to me. The only purpose it served was finding out what a coward you really are in not having the courage to say anything to me and hiding. I would love for you to prove me wrong but I know it won't happen. You might tell yourself you're not going ot bother with it but the reason you're not going to is because you can't. I am right about this, more right than I have ever been about anything else in my life. I'm sorry it's come down to this, but I'm not sorry for the way I feel. GOOD BYE.